


You are not alone. Not anymore.

by gambas_droobles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bad Parenting, Fluff and Angst, Lev is a good friend, M/M, References to Depression, cause i didn't find anything stating otherwise, lev's parents are great too, lev's russian on his mother's side, mentions of self-harm (Yuuki), they feel each other's emotions, yuuki cries a lot and i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25302355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gambas_droobles/pseuds/gambas_droobles
Summary: You can feel your soulmate's strong emotions. Lev had felt a numb sadness just above his stomach for as long as he can remember.
Relationships: Haiba Lev/Shibayama Yuuki, nekoma first-years friendship
Comments: 15
Kudos: 58
Collections: omg and they were soulmates





	1. I can tell you're hurting

**Author's Note:**

> The fact that Lev’s mom calls him ‘malysh’ is ironic because it means ‘small baby’ in Russian and Lev isn’t even close to small.

In this world, there are soulmates. 99% of the world's population experiences foreign emotion, that their soulmate feels. There is no standard age when this starts, but everyone knows that if your soulmate is experiencing a strong emotion, you will feel it also. And then, when you find your soulmate and you realize that you share your feelings with this person, a tattoo band will appear on your ring finger, confirming that this person is truly your soulmate. 

Lev had always loved these stories. His parents were soulmates and he saw their love for each other almost every day. The boy wanted the same for himself, a person who didn’t need words to know how he was feeling, a person who _knows_ him, and loves him nonetheless. But then one day, while he was playing with his sister, a sharp pain pierced his body. The feeling was so hard that he stumbled and fell to his knees, gripping at his chest, trying to reduce the pain. His mother ran into the room when she heard him crying loudly and wrapped Lev in her arms. The pain reduced after a short while, but Lev was so shocked, that he never really forgot the first time he felt his soulmate. 

This made him even more curious to find his soulmate. He wanted to know what happened, why is his soulmate hurting, how can he stop that. So at a very young age, Lev dedicated his life to finding his soulmate and making them experience pure joy, so the always hurting void inside of him filled with bubbling laughter. And while he was at that, he tried to fill his own life with happiness, so that his soulmate could at least feel his joy. With that Lev also became much more attentive to people surrounding him, making sure that no one is hurt or sad, trying to lift their spirits as best as he could. It didn’t end very well at first with one of his older-classmates snapping at him. 

“ _You’re like this just because your soulmate is depressed!_ ”

Lev didn’t know what depressed meant at that time, so he didn’t say anything back. Instead, he asked his mother what it was when he came back home. 

“Oh, _malysh_ ” she sat him down next to her, moving one of her hands to draw warm and comforting circles on his back, “You see, when a person is depressed, it means they’re very sad and that life isn’t very easy for them. They sometimes don’t even know why they are sad, or they can’t help the feeling because they’re not in very good circumstances.”

“Can it be helped?” he asked her, genuinely curious.

“Of course, but it’s not very easy,” she told him with a sad smile on her face, “Sometimes you’ll need to use medications to help, sometimes it passes with time, most of the time you’ll need therapy and someone you can trust.”

“Do you think my soulmate is depressed?” Lev asked and then added, “Is that why they are always sad?”

His mother just smiled at him, the sadness in her eyes evident. “Maybe”, she answered quietly, “But you’ll find them and help them, right?”

“Yes!” the boy straightened up in his seat, with a sparkle in his eyes as he talked “I’m going to find them! And I’ll do my best to make sure they’re never sad ever again!”

After that conversation, Lev began to be more careful around his friends. His mom told him that you can’t always tell if a person is depressed or not just by looking at them. Most people are good at hiding their true emotions under a happy mask, but if he was more careful and knew what he was looking for, Lev could notice the little things. Haiba’s mom also told him that calling a person out might not be the best way to go about it and that Lev should do small helpful things instead, and be there for the person. So Haiba took to action, taking care of his friends and hoping he could help his soulmate feel happy one day too. 

The first time he met Shibayama was also the first time he came to the volleyball club. 

Three other first-years also joined the club with him. The first one Lev noticed was Inuoka. The guy was all smiley and talkative and it turned out that he and Haiba wanted to play the same position. But even though it gave them a slight rivalry, they were still able to bond and become fast friends. Inuoka then introduced Lev to Shibayama and Teshiro. The taller of the two boys was somewhat quiet and calm. He exchanged a nod with Haiba and left to start practice. Lev didn’t actually mind because now all his attention was on the shortest boy. Inuoka was telling him something about Shibayama being their libero, but all Lev could focus on was the shy smile that Shibayama was giving him. He couldn’t tell what exactly captured his attention on the boy. Maybe it was his neat hairstyle or the fact that he was so much smaller than Lev. Perhaps it was something in his eyes as if a glimmer of sadness behind a very bright and determined expression. In reality, Haiba could have spent the next few hours just studying Shibayama’s appearance, but a hard hit to his back, just a little lower than his shoulder blade, made the Russian boy snap out of it. 

Inuoka told them that they now had to go start practice or they’re going to be late. Lev followed suit, but not before stealing another glance at Shibayama.

-

Something about the shorter boy was just different, the good special different kind, to Lev. He wasn’t sure what it was yet, but he was determined to find out. But no matter what that was about, Haiba wanted to befriend Shibayama at all costs. And it’s not like it’s hard for Lev to make friends, in reality, he quickly got into good terms with everyone on the team (well, maybe for the exception of Yaku who made it his personal job to make sure that Lev never slacks off). But just being on good terms with Shibayama didn’t feel enough for him. 

So when he suddenly felt the urge to greet Shiba separately from everyone else, he didn’t give it a second thought. 

“Good morning!” he’d called out, entering the changing room before morning practice. 

A string of good-mornings and hellos followed Lev as he walked to his locker. It just so happened that Shibayama’s locker was just next to his. 

“Good morning, Shibayama-kun!” he smiled down at his teammate. 

“Uh- um, good morning, Haiba-san,” the other replied avoiding eye contact. It reminded Lev of a shy kitten and made something in the pit of his stomach flatter a little. He decided he didn’t want to push Shibayama too much, so he settled on that. For a while. But in the meantime: 

“You can call me Lev!” he smiled.

“O- okay, Lev-san,” Shibayama blushed at that and Lev felt his smile growing. Yeah, he supposed, this was more than enough for now.

“Shibayama-kun!” he called out when he saw the other boy during their lunch break the same day, “Shibayama-kun, do you want to have lunch together?” 

The boy’s cheeks grew the lightest shade of pink, but he still managed to mumble out an: “Uh- yeah? Sure...” so Lev happily joined him in fetching Inuoka and Teshiro and then having lunch together. 

He didn’t manage to grab a seat next to Shibayama, but he was so excited to spend the lunch break with his teammates that he didn’t even notice until it was time to go back to class. 

Over the next few weeks, Lev kept greeting Shibayama separately and looking for him first, before going to have lunch together with all the first-year players. Every single time Shibayama would shy away from his greetings a little and it was so endearing, that he started calling the shorter boy _Kotik_ occasionally. The younger libero tried asking what the nickname meant (the other boys in their team were curious too), but Lev decided he didn’t want them to know. At least not yet. So he only told them that it was a Russian nickname. 

Maybe it was the weird feeling pulling him towards Shibayama more, maybe it was the way he stood away from everyone just watching their other teammates practicing with a glint of sadness in his eyes, but something made Lev walk up to his smallest teammate with a clear desire to brighten him up.

“Hey, Shiba-kun! Fist me!” and he pulled out his fist to the other expecting him to bump it. 

But the other boy’s face grew red as their jerseys. 

“Wh- What?!” he looked up at Lev terrified for some reason. Haiba just tilted his head a little in question and waved his fist a little. “Oh- okay” Shibayama looked immensely relieved after noticing Lev’s fist. He bumped it with his own and smiled at the taller boy. 

The middle blocker couldn’t hold back his smile even if he tried. 

-

Lev wasn’t the first one to notice this time.

“Shibayama, don’t you have lunch today?” Inuoka asked. 

“Oh, I just forgot to pack it this morning,” the smaller boy answered, “Don’t worry though! I had a filling breakfast today, so it’s fine!”

And Lev would have probably believed that if he didn’t hear Shibayama’s stomach growl earlier, on their way to get Teshiro and Inuoka. He looked down at the boy to confirm that he indeed was just trying to be polite. Haiba stood up then, pulling on Shibayama’s arm.

“Let’s go get you something from the vending machines then!” he suggested, “You won’t have to eat a lot then, but you’ll still have something! And it’s important to have lunch, _Kotik_!”

He didn’t let Shibayama object, just pulling him to the vending machine and getting him a small snack. The happy look in Yuuki’s eyes and his gratitude stirred something in him and he made a mental note to pack extra lunch tomorrow. 

-

“No, I’m not complaining!” Lev tried to defend himself, “I’m just surprised you can eat so much, _Kotik_ , you are so small already! And you barely eat!” 

Yuuki looked up at him. Puzzlement evident on the smaller boy’s face quickly morphed into a small grin.

“Well, for someone of your height, you sure can’t even finish your own portion” Shibayama pointed out, “You do always give away a part of your meal.” 

Lev gasped, offended.

“You can’t blame me for trying to make sure that you have lunch!” he dejected, uncertain, “And I always bring extra so I could share!” 

The first-year libero’s cheeks colored a little and Lev felt something flatter in his chest. The taller boy took it as an encouragement to continue defending his case. 

“You’re so small and cute! But you’re also our libero, so you need to eat more! For strength and so that you could grow!” 

The color on Shibayama’s cheeks turned into a deeper shade of red and Haiba felt triumphant over the small case already. 

Yuuki fidgeted under Lev’s persistent gaze trying to find a remark, but he couldn’t bring himself to concentrate on anything but the fact that his tall friend cared about him so much. But as much as he was flattered, Shibayama couldn’t afford to show weakness, even in such a soft moment. So he punched Lev into his stomach.

“Yuuki!” Inuoka called out as he walked up to them, “You might be spending too much time with Yaku-san!” 

“Yaku-san actually told me that he trusts me to keep Lev in line once they graduate,” Shibayama pointed out, “He said that I’m the only one who’d be able to do it.”

“Well,” Sõ pretended to think it over for a few moments, “Yeah, I can understand his reasoning”

“That’s just mean!” Lev complained, “You guys!! I don’t need to be kept in line!”

“But you can’t even go two minutes without pointing out someone else’s height,” Teshiro joined their conversation. 

“But it’s not my fault that _Kotik_ is so _small_!” the middle-blocker retorted. As soon as the words left his mouth, Lev braised himself for a sucker punch, but he was met with laughter. 

Shibayama hid his face behind his hand trying to stop giggling. Lev could feel a faint amusement warm in the usually sad void inside him. It made his heart flutter and he couldn’t stop a smile. 

“Ok, ok, we got it, _giant_ ,” Yuuki teased without an actual bite to his words, but with a big smile still on his face, “Calm down already. We should go to practice now anyway.”

The group of first-years moved on and Lev happily followed, feeling more excited about today’s practice than he had any reason to be. 

-

Shibayama was growing more and more tired by the minute. It didn’t help at all that the practice started only 15 minutes ago and there was over an hour left to it, nor the fact that he couldn’t sleep that night at all. He did manage to grab a quick nap during lunch break, but those seven minutes couldn’t replace the seven hours of sleep he so desperately needed. Not like he usually could get that much sleep, though. He was also extra stressed because of the upcoming English test and the thought of failing already made his skin hurt. 

Shibayama needed rest desperately, but he couldn’t get any at home. The thought of asking Inuoka to let him stay over for the night crossed his head, but he already let Shibayama visit two days ago. Yuuki didn’t want to abuse his friend’s hospitality like that, so he forwent that option trying to think of something else. 

Lost in thought and under the influence of his drowsiness, Shibayama didn’t notice the ball rolling to his feet and stepped on it. Immediately he heard a bad-sounding click in his ankle and felt a spark of pain run-up. He fell forward, landing on his forearms with a loud hiss. 

“Shibayama!” a familiar voice rang over him, but he really couldn’t concentrate on anything besides the pain and trying to keep it down “Shibayama, are you ok?”

Someone sat down next to him, helping him turn around and sit up. Yuuki kept his eyes shot closed as the pain kept piercing his body. He then felt someone gently inspecting his ankle and guessed that it must be Yaku then. His senpai’s fingers lightly pressed to the wrong spot and Shibayama hissed in pain again letting his eyes snap open to see what’s going on. 

He saw Yaku gently holding his leg, away from the spot he touched a moment before; a worried-looking Inuoka was standing above their regular libero and someone was crouching down on his other side. Noticing the third boy's presence, Yuuki jerked away a little in surprise. But when he realized that it was Lev, he felt his body relax against his own will. 

“I’ll take him to the nurse’s office, Yaku-san!” Haiba turned away from facing Yuuki, to answer something the older libero said.

Without any warning, Lev picked up Shibayama with one hand under his knees and the other wrapped around his back. The smaller boy felt his cheeks heat up and something flattering in his stomach. But the pain in his leg didn’t let him dwell on the feeling for too long, instead of reminding him of _why_ he was in this situation in the first place.

The walk to the nurse’s office didn’t take too long and Lev was carrying him carefully the whole way (which Shibayama found to be very nice, but he also liked being carried by Lev generally and he didn’t want to think too much into that). 

The nurse told him that everything was going to be okay and that he just sprained his ankle. She also commented that he had exhaustion and should go home and get some rest. Shibayama actually wouldn’t have minded the idea if he thought that he could get some rest at home. The place just seemed like a stress-hole to him and he really didn’t want to go there. When the nurse left to get some medications for him, Lev popped up from beside him: 

“I could also carry you home if you don’t mind!”

Suddenly the idea of going home didn’t seem too bad anymore. But he didn’t want to make Lev carry him all the way to his house. He told the other boy so, and Lev continued persuading him that it’s nothing and he should just let Haiba carry him so that he won’t put any unnecessary pressure on his ankle. 

“We need you on the court, Shiba-kun” he added, “And it’s not like you weigh a lot or anything!”

Shibayama laughed weakly at that and decided that there is no use fighting something both of them wanted. (At least he hoped that Lev actually wanted to carry him and the thought of that made his stomach flutter all over again). 

“Okay then, you can carry me home,” he said, not managing to pull his eyes up from the floor and feeling his whole face heat up. “If that’s what you want,” he mumbled, quickly turning his face even further away. Suddenly he felt a very warm and happy feeling spread inside him. He couldn’t be sure in these circumstances, but it must have been his soulmate. Yuuki wondered for a brief moment what could have happened to them to feel so nice, but then the nurse returned and handed him two pills with a cup of water. 

Haiba then left to grab their stuff and tell the team that they are leaving. In the meantime, Shibayama took his pills and waited for them to take effect. Pretty soon he felt his drowsiness intensify and his eyelids growing heavy. The pain in his ankle seemed to numb out and Yuuki once again felt glad that Lev suggested carrying him home. Libero wasn’t sure he’d be able to make it back on his own without actually _falling_ asleep. 

Lev came back wearing his backpack on his chest, a sports bag on each shoulder, and Shibayama’s backpack in his hand. 

“I couldn’t figure out how to carry your backpack, so maybe you could put in on your back and then you could get on my back and I’d carry you together with your backpack?” 

If Yuuki wasn’t feeling so sleepy at the moment his face would have caught on fire. But he just smiled and happily complied. He went through Haiba’s orders, wrapped his arms around the taller boy’s neck and his legs around the other’s waist, and was lifted from his seat effortlessly. (Shibayama then hid his face in the crook of Lev’s neck, but he blamed that on the medicine and his exhaustion). 

Shibayama didn’t live far from the school, it was at most a twenty-minute walk or a ten-minute ride on the bus. He lazily told Lev the way to go and just enjoyed the other’s warmth. Honestly, now that he was here, he didn’t want to leave. Yuuki felt himself zoning in and out during their walk. A few times he answered Lev’s questions of where to go next, but as soon as the words left his mouth or his hand dropped after pointing in the direction, he forgot what he just said or where he pointed. And he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

Too soon the silver-haired boy stopped and gently shook Yuuki awake. 

“Is this where you live?” he asked and Yuuki had to look up. 

They were indeed standing in front of Shibayama’s house. The smaller boy groaned before he could stop himself. 

“Yeah, this is my stop, I guess” he laughed nervously sliding off Haiba’s back and then taking his sports bag from him. “Thank you, Lev”

“Anytime, _Kotik_!” the taller boy smiled at him and Shibayama couldn’t help but smile back as his heart tried to escape his ribcage. He didn’t even mind the weird nickname this time, it was all too endearing and maybe the medicine was making him loosen up a little bit too much. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow at school?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Shibayama felt his smile growing. 

“Ok! Make sure to rest well, Kotik!” Lev waved at him before turning around to leave. 

Yuuki stayed there for a few moments more, just watching the tall figure slowly grow smaller as he walked further away. But when the cold wind hit him, the shorter boy sighed bracing himself before entering his house.

He was met with a smell of take-out and the sound of his parents fighting. Maybe Yuuki could manage to sneak through without them noticing. He took off his shoes as quietly as he could and tried tip-toeing past the living room. But one could get only that much luck and his father noticed him. 

“Yuuki? What are you doing home so early? Your practice finishes only in an hour.” his father’s questions felt more like accusations than anything else. 

“And what’s with that limping?” his mother asked. 

“I got hurt during practice so I had to leave early today.” 

He felt like he gave the wrong answer because then his father’s features grew darker and Yuuki could feel his anger even standing this far away. 

“I knew you couldn’t handle a sport from the start,” the older man scoffed, “Who gets injured during practice? Only you could manage that. I bet you didn’t want to practice so you hurt yourself on purpose!” the words stung Yuuki and he felt tears sting in the corners of his eyes. “You should have taken that bio-chem curse instead of this foolery! At least there you have to use your brain and you wouldn’t be able to slack around like this!”

His father went on and on about how he should have been a better son, study chemistry and biology, eventually become a doctor. How Yuuki was a disappointment to him, how he won’t be able to grow into a real man. But the boy stopped listening somewhere, in the beginning, just watching his father’s mouth move and trying really hard not to let his tears escape. When his father broke a mug by throwing it on the floor in an angry fit, his mother whined and put her hands around her ears. That successfully stopped the older man’s rant. 

“We are not finished,” he growled at Yuuki but moved his attention to the woman. 

The young boy hurried into his room, locking the door behind him. Feeling absolutely powerless, he slides down the door onto the floor and finally lets his tears out. His father was impossible to deal with, Yuuki no longer knew what to do. He couldn’t relax at his own home, not ever since his mother was found ill and his dad took it as a personal attack on himself from his son. The boy figured a long time ago, that his father just didn’t know what to do when he heard the news and didn’t have anyone to blame. But taking all that anger out on his son? That was _wrong_ , but there wasn’t much Yuuki could do to stop it. 

Sometimes Shibayama wondered if that man realized that he was losing his mother too.

All the pain and hurt in him start to feel overbearing. Yuuki wanted to get his knife and let the pain out the only way he knew. But then he couldn’t make himself get up from his spot n the floor. Shibayama remembered how Lev carried him today, how warm he felt while he piggy-rode on his back. The warm feeling of his soulmate. The memories made a sad smile grow on his face and he felt like just crying was much better than letting the man’s words get to him so much. It wasn’t like Yuuki even cared about them anymore. 

He might not have a family at home anymore, but he did have his teammates. So maybe he could have a family there, on the volleyball court. 

When his tears dried up and he felt like he was about to pass out, Shibayama climbed into his bed, not caring that he still was in his volleyball uniform. He fell asleep as soon as his head touched his pillow. 

-

The next day Shibayama didn’t come to school and missed practice because he overslept and couldn’t stand firmly on his legs. He decided that it was better for him to stay in his room and regain strength, than going back to school and exhausting himself again. So he was going to spend the day sleeping. At least that’s what he texted Inuoka and what Inuoka told their team. Lev felt kinda let down by the news, which he found weird because he had never felt this way when Kenma or someone else skipped practice. Nonetheless, he found himself looking at the vacant space beside him in the locker room.

“What got you stuck in there, Haiba?” Yaku’s angry voice rang from the door, pulling Lev out of his thoughts, “You’re not planning on missing receive practice, are you?”

“Yaku-san!” the first-year shot back offended. But he still stood up and left his contemplating for later. He was going to go back to it after practice because no matter what’s wrong, volleyball was more important. 

Or so he thought. 

Inuoka joined him and Teshiro during partner stretching because Yuuki wasn’t there and the wing spiker was left without a partner. Then he was the only one to do the extra receiving practice since the first year libero wasn’t there. Everything was just a little bit out of normal and Lev felt affected by it. He found himself wondering if Shibayama was okay and if he would come back tomorrow. 

Turns out, that even though volleyball is important, it’s not the same without Shibayama.

That day his soulmate also kept quiet. The sadness in his chest subdued a little, almost as if his soulmate was sleeping the whole day. Which only added to Lev’s growing suspicion. Lev was going to figure it out soon, he felt like he was close.

Shibayama came back to school the next day. He reassured his friends that he was fully okay and there was no need to worry. Inuoka said that he was glad that they didn’t have any practice that day and Yuuki had a little more time to heal and rest.


	2. i won't leave. not now, nor ever.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lev starts suspecting and they start texting

They were playing a 5x5 match a week later when Lev got hit in the head by the ball. 

These matches were a regular thing for the Nekoma volleyball team. They would always rearrange teams to get everyone to practice and get used to playing with each other on the court. This time Lev was playing with Kai, Teshiro, Yaku, and Fukunaga against Kuroo, Yamamoto, Kenma, Inuoka, and Shibayama. And it just so happened that he had a perfect view of Shibayama receiving the ball across the net. So you couldn’t really blame Lev for getting a little bit distracted. 

After receiving Kai’s spike Shibayama flipped his hair out of his face with a swift motion of his head. Haiba noticed how the smaller boy’s bangs fell back in a beautiful arc reminding the middle blocker of all those shampoo advertisements he saw. It made him wonder for a second if Shibayama has ever modeled or considered modeling. He certainly had the looks for it. Height - not so much, but Lev was sure it didn’t matter that much.

And then the ball hit his face. 

“Titan! Are you even paying attention to the game?!” Yaku’s angry shouting attracted even more attention to Haiba. “Stop daydreaming and get back into the game!”

Lev blushed at the remark and hoped that it wasn’t obvious and could pass as an outcome from the ball hitting his face. But before continuing their game, he noticed a worried look on Yuuki’s face. Which only made his blush burn a little harder.

After practice, first-years decided to go out and eat together. They were tired and hungry, but after having so much fun at their match, they didn’t want to separate just yet. Inuoka’s idea of grabbing dinner together at the ramen place down the street from the school was met enthusiastically and they happily followed him. 

It was amazing how they managed to bond together so quickly and become such close friends with only volleyball actually tying them together. Lev enjoyed the company of the other three boys and was really happy they ended up such good friends. Even if Teshiro didn’t talk a lot and Shibayama stayed quiet most of the time, leaving all the talking to Inuoka and himself. Their friendship still felt genuine and all of them were equally important to Lev. 

The topic of their conversation went back to soulmates, which wasn’t that big of a surprise considering Lev’s determination to find his soulmate as soon as possible. 

“Have you noticed? Yaku-san got his ring recently!” Inuoka mentioned off-handedly.

“What?!” Lev was surprised he didn’t notice. Not with the constant supervision, he got from his senpai. 

“Yes! I noticed today during our practice,” Inuoka continued, “he must have realized who his soulmate is. I wonder if it’s someone we know.”

“Yaku-san sure has his game on,” Teshiro commented, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he realized this before his soulmate did.”

“That’s true,” Inuoka agreed, “Do you think he’ll tell us about them?”

“He might if it’s someone from our club or another volleyball team,” Shibayama added. 

“Gosh, how can someone so mean already have their soulmate figured out!” Lev whined, “I want mine too!”

Snorts followed his complaint from all around the table. The tall boy pouted, preparing his defending statement, even considering telling them about the persistent sadness for a moment. But then Inuoka beat him to speaking. 

“Yes, we know, Lev,” the boy smiled, “You love to talk about them.”

“Yeah,” Teshiro agreed, “You can be sure that we also want for you to find them.” The two of them shared a grin and then their setter continued “Why don’t you tell us about them some more, though? Maybe we could help you look?”

Lev smiled at his friend’s support. “But what can I really tell you? I can feel when they’re happy or sad. Nothing much to do except wait and be attentive to people around me.”

“Can’t say you’re wrong about that,” Inuoka smiled at him with understanding in his eyes, “Oh, by the way! I felt my soulmate very clearly yesterday! Do you guys believe that when you’re closer to your soulmate you feel them more clearly?”

“Oh! I heard about that!” Shibayama joined their conversation, “I don’t think it’s the same for everyone. But it sure would have helped a lot in finding your soulmate!”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Lev commented. “I can only clearly feel my soulmate when they’re experiencing a really strong emotion.”

“Yeah, but some people might be able to feel it stronger because the distance is growing smaller,” Inuoka defended, “And I’m not saying it has to work with everyone! Just asking if you believe it’s possible?”

“If you put it like that, then yeah, I don’t think it’s impossible” Teshiro answered, “But like also, I wouldn’t know. With me not having a soulmate and everything.”

“O-oh, Teshiro-kun!!” Lev cried, “That’s so upsetting!”

“I’m still surprised you don’t, honestly,” Inuoka said, “You’re so cool and nice! Anyone would be lucky to be your soulmate!” 

“Don’t worry so much about it!” Tamahiko waved his hand dismissively to emphasize his point, “I don’t mind the idea, really! And it rids me of extra worry to actually be compatible with my soulmate.” 

“Oh my god, why do those even exist?” Shibayama suddenly piped up, “Like, why would the universe assign you with a soulmate you can’t even get along with?”

“But you are still perfect for each other,” Inuoka adds, “Maybe that’s the universe trying to make you and your soulmate better people?”

“Sounds like a poor excuse to me,” Yuuki muttered turning away. 

“Why so, _Kotik_?” Lev asked him, genuinely interested, “Do you know someone who can’t get along with their soulmate?”

“I- ” Haiba noticed how the shortest boy’s eyes searched for something all over the floor before he closed them and took a deep breath in, “People like that usually end up in toxic relationships and it’s not something I would want anyone to experience.”

“Yeah,” Inuoka agreed slowly, “And it’s even sadder that it accrued so often with previous generations and they didn’t even have therapy yet.”

“Still better to not have a soulmate then have to live with a fact that the person who is perfect for you actually hates you,” Shiba added and then quickly continued, “in- in my opinion!”

“That might be true, but you and your soulmate are still made for each other!” Lev felt the need to reassure his friend, “And with today’s resources, you and your soulmate can work it out much easier.”

Suddenly the pull in his stomach filled with regret and sadness, telling Lev what his soulmate was feeling. Looking down at Shibayama sitting across from him, he suddenly was almost one hundred percent sure. But he still needed some more confirmation, something solid and not just a vague feeling.

“Yuuki, are you afraid you’re going to be incompatible with your soulmate?” Inuoka asked him the question Lev was afraid to voice.

“I mean, everything is possible, isn’t it?” the smaller boy answered avoiding eye contact with everyone. 

“Yuuki-kun,” Teshiro called him, “You know we would protect you from your soulmate if they turned out to be abusive, right?” Shibayama looked up and over his friend’s serious faces, “But what makes you think that? Does your soulmate feel anger often? Are their emotions unstable?”

“Yuuki, is there someone close to you who are incompatible?” Inuoka added to the questions, leaning into Yuuki’s space. The libero pulled away from the group, 

“I- no, um-” the libero stuttered, “My soulmate is actually very subtle, I don’t feel them that often, but last time I could, it was just concern, so I hope we’ll be compatible. Or, well, at least I know they can feel an overwhelming concern. Which is good, I think, uh- unless-” 

Their conversation was cut short by Shibayama’s phone ringing. He excused himself, leaving the group wondering what the boy was about to tell them. The three of them exchanged troubled looks, but before anyone could say anything, Shibayama came back and announced that he has to go and that his parents are worried. 

“But, Yu-” Inuoka tried stopping him from leaving so early, but the boy cut him short. 

“I really don’t want to make them wait.” And with those words, the first-year libero grabbed his bags and abruptly left.

None of the boys were able to start a conversation back and going, so, not long after, they finished their meals and left. Something bugged Lev his whole way home. He was sure that they were about to learn something very important but by the power of chance, they didn’t. Arriving at his front door, Haiba left out a frustrated huff. What was this thing that bothered him about Shibayama so much? He was worried about the guy, definitely, but was there something else? He was so close to finding the answer to that. Well, if Lev is being honest, he suspects that the smaller boy has depression. For a few reasons, but one of them is because sometimes he thinks that Shibayama’s and his soulmate’s emotions are similar. What he saw flashing across Yuuki’s face looked like things he felt over his stomach. (There was also an inkling feeling of something else, but he couldn’t really wrap his head around all of it. So Lev decided he’s going to concentrate on one feeling at a time).

-

They didn’t talk about soulmates for a while after that. 

Well, at least no one tried to bring it up with Shibayama, which he was extremely grateful for. In fact, he was happy he got interrupted that eve. Yuuki doesn’t know what he would have told his friends, wasn’t sure if he wanted (or was ready) to tell them anything. After all, it’s personal and touches some topics he was trying not to think too much about. So when they fell back into their routine of having lunch together and going to the after-school practice as if nothing happened, Shiba was more than happy.

But then, the next week Lev didn’t show up for school. 

It was weird, that Yuuki worried so much. His teammate was only human, he might have just fallen ill or had overslept. There was probably nothing to fuzz over, but Shibayama couldn’t help but wonder if something serious happened. Especially when they gathered to have lunch together, as per usual, and Yuuki was left sitting alone across from Inuoka and Teshiro. He even considered texting the middle blocker, but the anxiety of not getting an answer stopped him. 

As the day went on, Yuuki felt more and more out of place. It wasn’t like he and Lev were eminently close or anything, they didn’t even interact a lot outside of volleyball and their lunches. He still felt the boy’s absence very much. And it weirded Shibayama out but didn’t stop him from worrying about the other boy. (It didn’t help much that his soulmate was also worrying over something the whole time). 

But then, before practice, he received a message. 

From: Haiba Lev  
**Hey!! I won’t make it to practice today and tomorrow! My grandma fell sick, so we’re going over to her~~ Could you tell everyone?**

From: Haiba Lev  
**Especially tell Yaku-san that I’m not slacking off!!! >:( **

Yuuki felt the tension in his shoulders lessen and something in his stomach flatter at the thought that Lev texted _him_ out of all of their teammates to explain his absence. His face relaxed into a small smile as he texted back.  
To: Haiba Lev  
**Will do!! Update me later on how your grandma is?**

A reply came almost instantly. 

From: Haiba Lev  
**THANK YOUUU!!!**

From: Haiba Lev  
**Ok!! I’m sure it’s nothing serious, she sounded okay, just very worried~**

They continued texting all the way until Shibayama actually had to change and go to practice. He was reluctant to pause their conversation, fearing that it might not be as easy after. They didn’t usually text each other too, maybe occasional exchange asking about the time when practice started or if one of them was going to be late. Lev would always prefer to speak with him in real life over messaging. Thus, it was new and kinda exciting. Yuuki could only hope that it’ll be this easy next time too. 

The practice also felt somewhat empty to Shibayama. They had to do stretches in a group of three, Teshiro being left without a partner. Then he was the only one to do the extra receiving practice since Yaku didn’t have the giant to pester. Everything was just a little bit out of normal and Yuuki felt affected by it. He found himself wondering if Lev’s grandma was okay and when the boy’s family would come back. 

Once they were finished and the first-year libero walked to get a towel and head into the locker room, the feeling of something being off intensified. Shibayama was puzzled over what was wrong this time up until he felt how thirsty he was. 

_Right, Lev used to always bring him his water from across the court, while the smaller boy just made his way into the locker room._ It started with Yuuki simply forgetting to fetch his bottle and continued with the middle-blocker stating that it was easier and faster for him to grab both of their bottles since his legs were so much longer. Shibayama would then grab a towel for Haiba and they would have their little exchange before exiting the gym. Fascinating, how the shorter boy didn’t notice this part of their routine before. Not until it wasn’t there anymore. 

Shibayama had to turn around and make his way across the court just for the water. He hoped Lev would be back soon and he could once again appreciate his friend’s thoughtfulness. 

In the locker room, Kuroo approached the first-years asking if they knew where their tall middle-blocker was. Yuuki suddenly remembered to share that information and called for Yaku’s attention also before telling the two third-years what Lev told him. 

“He also asked me to make sure that you know that he isn’t slacking off, Yaku-senpai,” Shibayama added in the end. 

“That bean-pole really has to stop thinking that I only care if he’s slacking or not,” Yaku grumbled frowning. 

“Oh-o but isn’t that true, Yakkun?” their captain teased back and Yuuki saw the punch into Kuroo’s gut even before the taller third-year got to finish his sentence. 

“Of course not, asshole!” their starting libero shot back igniting a familiar banter between the two. 

Shiba remembered what he was told about Yaku last week. And true to the word, the boy had a black band around his ring finger. Yuuki wondered who could be his demon-senpai’s soulmate. If he was compatible with them. But the thought of asking scared him too much and stopped him from finding out. So Shibayama turned away from his senpais in order to change and check his phone. To his (pleasant) surprise, there were a few messages from Lev waiting for him. 

He opened them with a small smile and was glad to find out that it was as easy to text the boy as it was before practice. 

“Who’s got you smiling so much?” Inuoka’s voice startled Yuuki. The smaller boy almost dropped his phone from the way how fast he turned it off. 

“Inuoka!” he shot back, “Did no one tell you that it’s not nice to scare your friends like that?”

“Not my fault you were engrossed so much into texting!” the wing-spiker smiled innocently, “You almost looked like Kenma-san when he texts Hinata! All that’s left is to dye your hair blond and you can cosplay him.”

“Very funny, Sou” the other shot back clearly unimpressed.

“Doesn’t answer my question, though!” Inuoka smirked, “Is it Lev?”

Shibayama blushed at his friend’s words. Was it somehow evident that the only one he could be texting with a smile is Lev? Or maybe Inuoka was just teasing him and making assumptions.

“Well _that_ answers my question,” the taller boy replied to his blush, all smiles and innocence, “Now hurry up and let’s head home!”

“I can stay at your place tonight?” the libero asked, hope evident in his voice.

“Only if you tell me what’s the deal with you and Lev texting so much,” Inuoka shot back with a sly smile. “Oh, and if we stop at the supermarket to grab some tofu.”

“Ugh, why are you so interested in my texting?” Shibayama complained, but finally changed out of his uniform, “And it’s no problem, want to grab some snacks too? Maybe he could watch a movie or something.”

With that, they started on their way out, easily falling into a conversation. Sou didn’t know why exactly Yuuki never wanted to go back to his home, but he knew that the boy didn’t want to talk about it, so he never inquired. Shibayama was grateful for that. He preferred not to worry about his friend. 

Maybe one day he would share his struggles with Inuoka, but he wasn’t ready for that today. 

Especially not when they were all worried about Lev and his grandma.

-  
>Author's note: _Turns out Lev’s grandma was fine. She just used her family’s kindness and tenderness to make them come visit. Lev wasn’t surprised by that, honestly. He figured that he would have done the same if he was in her place. Actually, he even enjoyed the little time away he got with his grandmas (yep, he has two grandmas, they are lesbians) making them stay over for the week. He was also happy that he now had an excuse to text Shibayama excessively._  
-

It was almost 11 pm when Lev felt a sudden thug followed by sharp pain just above his stomach. He was glad he was sitting down because otherwise Lev knew that his knees would have given out and he’d fall. But sitting down he just bent forward grabbing at the place that hurt the most. Over-filled with panic, Lev looked for his phone and as soon as he felt like he could breathe and move around a ‘ _ping_ ’ signaled that he got a new message. 

From: Kotik  
**Hey, are you busy?**

He sent back a message even before he could process what he had typed.

To: Kotik  
**No ,,,, wanna meet up?**

From: Kotik  
**Yeah**  
**Meet you in 15?**

Lev didn’t need any more notice as he grabbed his phone and hoodie before telling Alisa where he was going and running outside. He knew where Yuuki would be waiting for him and even though he only needed 10 minutes to get there, Lev still ran almost the whole way. When he saw Shibayama standing under the lamppost he felt glad he rushed all the way here. 

Lev slowed down a few feet away, taking in Yuuki’s appearance. He looked okay, at least Lev couldn’t see any bruises on the boy’s exposed skin. But he noticed that the other one was shivering slightly, so in one swift motion, Lev took off his hoodie and offered it to the smaller boy. 

“Thanks,” Yuuki said softly, accepting the hoodie and pulling it over his head. 

“Want to grab a snack and go to the park, maybe?” Lev offered since he had a feeling that the other boy didn’t want to to talk about what brought him here so late, “There is a convenience store open 24/7 down the road, I could get you something if you like?”

“I- Yeah, that sounds nice,” Yuuki smiled up at him and Lev’s hoodie was way too big for the smaller boy, he was practically drowning in it. The sight made his chest grow warmer and sent his heart flattering even more so.

They walked in silence, Lev breaking it only to ask what Yuuki would like to get, all the way to the park. It wasn’t a heavy silence, it felt comfortable, the taller boy felt content just knowing that nothing was seriously wrong, that they were together now and he could make sure that nothing else happened. He was happy they could do this.

Yuuki followed him quietly all the way to the swings, taking small bites from his chocolate ice cream. He looked lost in his own head, and it was hard to tell if it was something bad or good. The pain over his stomach had subdued some but hadn’t disappeared completely, so when they sat down, Lev decided to pull Yuuki out of his own thoughts by breaking the silence.

“If you could have one, would you choose a teleporter or a time travel machine?” the taller boy asked, swinging a little and looking curiously over at Yuuki.

“Uh- what?” the other boy startled, smudging a little bit of the ice cream on his face as he looked over at Lev. He chuckled softly at that before repeating his question. 

“A teleporter or a time travel machine?” the Russian boy asked again, “Would you rather be able to go anywhere or anytime?”

“Oh,” Yuuki looked back down contemplating for a few moments before saying, “I’d choose teleporter. It’d be very convenient to be able to get anywhere and it’s not like I really want to travel in time. Well, maybe sometimes when I’m running late somewhere, but I think a teleporter would be enough for that.”

“What about going forward in time, like into the future, to see glimpses of what happens or going into the past to tell yourself something?”

“Hm~ no, that’s a pass for me-” Yuuki started explaining why and how a teleporter would be more convenient, less ‘interfering with the laws of time’ and thus - safer. He now looked less lost and not as tense as when they met at the lamppost. Lev counted that as his personal win and kept up the conversation, asking more hypothetical questions and going into detailed answers. 

They talked like that, swinging a little and not really going anywhere with the topics, for what felt like no longer than an hour. But when Lev received a text from Alisa, asking when was he coming back, it turned out that it was 3 am. Now that the older boy was pulled out of their conversation, he could feel that the pain wasn’t there anymore and the logical part of his brain offered that it was time for them to go back. He didn’t really feel like breaking their little bubble and separating ways again, but he also couldn’t afford just staying there. They had to go back sooner or later.

Lev told so to Yuuki and the other bot reluctantly agreed. When they came back to the lamppost marking where their path’s separated, the silverette made sure to tell the other boy that if he ever needed him again, to just get up and get out, even in the middle of the night, he could always count on Lev. In reply Yuuki just softly smiled, something bright twinkling in his eyes. 

They said their goodbyes and, on his way home, Lev couldn’t stop thinking about the warm flattering in his stomach just at the thought of the smile.

-

Shibayama and Lev were assigned cleaning up duty that day. 

The tallest boy didn’t really know what to do, he wanted to talk to Shibayama, but at the same time he didn’t want to _make_ Shibayama talk. Haiba also didn’t know _what_ exactly he was going to say to the other boy. So they end up cleaning up in silence, only occasional directions and the rustle of equipment making it more sufferable. 

They were in the lockers now, and the feeling to say something burned inside Lev almost eating him up. He couldn’t help but helplessly stare at Shibayama’s back while the other, faced away from him, took off his jacket. Before Haiba could really process what had just happened, he already moved across the room and carefully took Yuuki by his arm.

It dawned on him, that he never really saw the smaller boy wear anything short-sleeved. The fact didn’t bother him before, considering the weather outside wasn’t that warm yet, but now Lev just regrets he didn’t take any note of it before. But there is no time to dwell on that right now because the silver-haired boy needs to make sure that Yuuki is okay right now. Convince the other boy that he doesn’t need to do this, _help him in any way he could_.

“ _Kotik?_ ,” he said in a quiet voice. It was all he could carry out at the moment and he just hoped it was enough to put his question across. 

“L- Let me go!” Shibayama pulled his arm away as he tried to cover up and defend himself. The smaller boy’s actions weren’t met with any resistance. Lev let him pull away and watched with his lips in a thin line as Yuuki brought his forearms to his chest. The black-haired boy was looking up at him with so much fear in his eyes, _fear and shame_. This definitely isn’t something he wants to see on Shiba’s face ever again. 

Acting more on his instincts than anything else, Lev closed the distances between them, hugging the smaller boy by his shoulders. Shibayama certainly didn’t expect this reaction from the taller boy. For a few seconds, he stood there stiff before going slack in Haiba’s arms and starting crying into his chest. He curled his hands into fists and hit Lev repeatedly in frustration. 

Lev just hugged him tighter.

The taller boy nuzzled his nose into Shibayama’s hair and tried to calm him down by drawing circles on the smaller boy’s back. After one or two minutes standing that way, the libero let out a desperate noise and started talking. He told Lev that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, that he probably wants to stop, but isn’t sure if he can or actually wants to. Yuuki told him that sometimes it just gets too hard and the only way we learned how to bear with the feeling was one of the worst ways to do that. He said that he thought of actually ending his life that way, but never actually could bring himself to do so. That made him even more disappointed in himself. That he felt weak and incapable all over and no matter how much he tried, he never was best at anything, always was not enough. Yuuki let out a sad chuckle at that, _you know who opened my eyes to that? My dad._ And then there were even more tears, Lev felt how the front of his shirt grew damp and hoped that it didn’t discomfort the boy in his arms too much. After a few loud sobs and swallowing his tears and snot, Yuuki told him that his father was terrible. He then began defending his parents, saying that the man was actually a good person, who did much good for his community. He was just shit at raising his son. That he and his mother were incompatible soulmates. That his mother fell ill sometime when he was still very young, after a very bad fight with her husband. That his mother told him once, that they had him in hopes that he could make them more compatible, but the baby made the whole situation even worse. Shibayama learned to blame himself for all the troubles, fights, _his mother’s sickness_. Yuuki cried even more, almost choking on his tears, but Lev was there to smooth it out, to tell him that it was okay, to let it all out. 

And Yuuki did. He told Haiba even more about the abuse he endured in his house. How he couldn’t really call his house a _home_ because he didn’t ever feel welcome there. He shared more about his father’s aggressiveness, about his mother’s passiveness. How hard it was for him. That he wanted to leave volleyball because of the things his father kept saying. 

They stood like that for what might have been just five minutes or a half an hour. Lev couldn’t bring himself to care about time passing, he just held on to the boy in his arms as tightly as he could. Trying to envelop Yuuki into himself, protect and shield the smaller boy from the rest of the world. When the smaller boy calmed down and just fell powerless further into Lev’s embrace, the taller boy picked him up and then planted them both down onto the bench. Him sitting on the bench and still holding Yuuki, who was now nicely placed on Lev’s knees. 

The sadness in his chest had untangled and felt so much easier now. Everything became so clear to Lev then. Very obvious. He felt so happy and content with the feeling, with their current position, with Shibayama so close to him, the other’s boys now buried into the crook of his neck. 

Haiba was sure now, and when a black band slowly appeared on his ring finger, he wasn’t even a little bit surprised. This all felt so right as if he was meant to hold Yuuki in his arms. As if Yuuki was meant to be held by Lev. His soulmate. 

Lev couldn’t help but let his smile grow as he pulled his hand away to examine the mark more carefully. The movement caught Yuuki’s attention and he picked out to see what was going on. When he noticed the black band, his eyes grew comically but filled with realization. Lev smiled down at him as the other pulled his own hand up to see a similar mark around his own ring finger. They were on the same page now. They were together now.

Once again Lev moved more on instinct and emotion than actually thinking what he was doing. He kissed the top of Yuuki’s head. After, the taller boy pulled back a little, so that he could look Shibayama in the eye. But before saying anything, he leaned in again and kissed each tear-swollen eye. 

“ _Kotik_ ,” he then started seriously, looking intently into Yuuki’s eyes, “First thing that I need you to remember is, you might not believe me but it’s true, _you are enough_ , Yuuki. You don’t have to be perfect in everything you do, you don’t need to prove yourself to _anybody_. Not even your father. I- I am so happy that you just _exist_ \- I can’t promise you that everything will be alright now, nor that you’ll suddenly be okay, but you don’t need to jump over your head to be happy, _to prove to anyone that you deserve to be happy_.” Lev leaned in to bump foreheads with his soulmate, “You’re not alone. Not anymore. We are in this together now and we’ll make it through.”

Yuuki offers him a small smile and the silver-haired boy couldn’t help but kiss it. The action made Shibayama laugh and Lev grinned down at him. Shibayama looked gorgeous like this and Haiba thought how he would very much like for the other boy to smile all the time. 

“I’m so happy it’s you, _Kotik_ ,” he said and Yuuki laughed again. 

“By the way,” the smaller boy popped up, “You never told me what this nickname means~”

Lev felt his cheeks heat up and he turned his head, avoiding Yuuki’s (red-rimmed but still pretty) eyes. 

“Oh, c’mon!” the boy nagged on, “We’re soulmates! I deserve to know!”

“It means kitn” the taller boy mumbled under his breath, still looking away. 

“What was that?” Shibayama persisted, clearly amused. 

“It means kitten,” Lev gave up with a sigh, dropping his head into the crook of Yuuki’s neck to hide his embarrassment. “In Russian,” the smitten boy added for emphasis.

Shibayama let out a small laugh. Honestly, he should have expected that from his soulmate.

**.konets/ end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i was plenty stuck on one scene i wanted to add, but ended up not adding it (it's where i left the a/n lmao) ,,, so this feels a little bit empty to me, but this's better than leaving this fic w/o an ending :,> so i'm sorry and pls be kind ~
> 
> fun fact, i cried every time i wrote Yuuki cry <3 but they got their happy ending so everything is supposedly good~
> 
> side note: i wrote so much about Yaku and his soulmate lmao, but i'll probably never end up writing about them :> so good luck guessing who the soulmate is lmao
> 
> THIS ENTIRE fic exists only thanks to [Bucky](https://twitter.com/bisa_mur) so BIG thanks to her for feeding me ideas and helping figuring out how to phrase things <3
> 
> as per usual, you can find me on twitter and Tumblr  
> feel free to come and yell at me about rare pairs ;v;


End file.
